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From Parents of Preemies, To Parents of Preemies.
You were probably in shock. Everything happened so fast, and it felt surreal that you had just given birth to a preemie. You were not able to experience the full gestation of pregnancy. The sense of loss, guilt, regret, and trauma, cloud your judgement about how you were going to cope.
Your world now is surrounded by beeps, flashing lights, and numbers on the monitor screen. Anxiety and uncertainty kicked in, all while you were trying to nurse your post-natal body and grasp the reality of your situation.
You then see your baby, all wired up. Their tiny hands and feet. Their intense chest retractions. Their fighting spirit to live. Your miracle baby. You felt relieved and distress at the same time, thinking of what they had to go through.
We see you. What you are feeling is valid. You need time to heal and cope in your own way.
1) Celebrate your baby. Document every milestone.
Despite everything, your baby deserves to be celebrated. Take the time to bond with your baby, record their daily charts, and cheer them on for every milestone. Document and take plenty of photos of their growth and focus on the positives.
It also helps to express or journal your experiences. You will be able to read and look back at your journey and see how much you have grown. It could also act as a record of your baby’s weight or any progress along the way. Remember to celebrate all the small and big wins.
“I remember vividly when the nurses passed a journal for me to pen down and vent out all that was going on. As I continue writing, the tone of my journal got more positive, and I was excited for every small progress”.
2) Keep your spirits intact and mental health in check.
This is a challenging phase in your life, and it is acceptable to take it all in and release all your emotions.
“I had a really hard time the first few weeks after I got discharged. I would just breakdown randomly, and the sight of any baby would trigger me. I realised it was not healthy and decided to find the courage to open-up to parents who have been through similar experiences. Build our own support system”.
Do check out other support groups online as well, where preemie parents share similar journeys and concerns and know that you are not alone. This applies to both mothers and fathers, even though we cope differently in our own ways.
Do consult a qualified counsellor/social worker or psychologist to check-in on you emotionally and mentally. Discuss your concerns in various aspects such as financial planning, and all the available support programmes. Know that the team is there to help you.
You can try to reach out to your workplace as well if any flexible arrangements can be made to accommodate your situation.
3) Gather your village.
It is ok to accept help and delegate to manage things at home as well e.g., rides, healthy meals, house chores etc. Identify your people, who will be there for you and ensure you are in good company. The NICU can be a place that wears you down. Learn to take breaks and be well rested without being guilty. Learn to self-care so that you can be there for your baby.
The NICU will pretty much be your second home and you can make use of the time to gain tips from the nurses to be a more confident caregiver for your baby.
There will be not-so-good days but continue to keep up the faith and understand your baby’s condition. Try to be available when the doctors do their rounds so you can ask the list of questions you have and understand the course of action moving forward.
4) Embrace parenthood.
“Be there for your baby. The moment you step inside the NICU, let go of all negativities and be happy to be with your baby. They feel your energy. They are fighting, and your positivity will make them stronger”.
Get as involved as you can with feedings, diaper changes, medications etc. Check that your baby is in a comfortable position always. Whenever you can, ask to do as much kangaroo care as possible, be vocal and ask for it if the situation permits.
If your baby is not ready for it, continue to connect and bond by talking quietly to your baby, reading aloud or humming/singing lullabies. Your baby hears you and this is a truly powerful connection between your baby and you.
“If you can, pump breast milk and store in small amounts so that the milk will not be wasted. As preemies, they take in very little milk at a time. Pumping alone can be very depressing, hence try to set a positive environment in the nursing room such as listening to your favourite song and watching videos of your baby. Your milk is precious in nourishing your little bub”.
5) Take in one day at a time.
Being in the NICU, you will good and bad days. Take one day at a time and know that this too shall pass. Keep your head up and know that your baby is in the best place possible, and you are doing the best you can. Believe in miracles and “just keep swimming”.
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